Thinking of our Indy Girl

Two months before our Macey was conceived my husband and I found ourselves staring at an ultrasound machine. What we were searching for was no longer there. Just 24 hours prior we witnessed the beating our our new baby's heart beat for the first time. Now it was gone. I didn't need an ultrasound to confirm what I knew we had already lost.

 "I know it doesn't seem like it right now," the doctor had said, "but these things happen for a reason."

Paul took me home and did what he always does to fix things, and cooked me a big dinner. He was focused on getting me back in tip top shape. "We can try again in a few months," he had encouraged me.

Phone calls had to be made. We had just told our families of our good news, which had swiftly and unexpectedly turned bad.

All I could think about was the exact moment that Paul had suggested we have a baby together. Rewind some eight months prior. We were at a stop light at 86th & Meridian on the north side of Indianapolis on a cold January night. When he suggested it, my breath caught in my throat. I thought I had misunderstood him. I could see his face illuminated by the street lights, and was stunned by the sincerity I saw in his eyes. A baby...and so the dream of Macey began. We were in love with the mere idea of her months before we said "I do," months before we cried together in that doctor's office.

I will never understand what went so wrong that terrible day we lost our baby. Nor do I ever question it. How could I ever? Within two months we were expecting our Macey. How can you miss what you never had? I use to ask myself this. Oddly enough we did at the time. But I cannot image our world without Macey. She is the embodiment of me, of her daddy, and the dream we had of her at the intersection of 86th & Meridian...our true Indy Girl. An endearment her daddy use to call me when I lived in Indy and he lived here in the Haute. Maybe the miracle of her and our love for each other is that much sweeter, because we thought we had lost our dream for her once before. But here she is now, turning seven this week. We are truly blessed!