Monday, January 23, 2017

When your husband is a shoe addict ...

and there is no more room for your shoes in the closet.

Friday, January 20, 2017

Living Outside my Comfort Zone

This post is for myself, to reflect on years from now.

I called my husband on the way to a shoot.  I had had a glass of wine, half a bottle of tums and was working my way through a pack of tic tacs.  I had made myself sick with fear and insecurity.

I told him "this is why people don't do the things they want to do, because it is scary!"  Like usual, I have spent days leading up to a shoot worrying.  And it is stupid, because I know I know what to do! I know how to interact with strangers.  I know how to work my camera and deal with various lighting challenges.  I know my vision.  I love crafting the perfect image!  In the end I almost always end up having a great time with the people I am lucky enough to take images for! I come prepared, with backup equipment to back up my back up equipment.  And still, that inner trader within me screams out all the things that could go wrong... and worst it nag at me "What if they don't like your photos?!"  "You are no good!" 

That inner trader gets historical and starts thinking negative thoughts.  "Remember when you messed up that one time!"  "Remember when someone important to you said you were too old to be chasing your dreams!"  "Remember when you admired that other person's photographs, you can never be that good!"  And on and on and on....Feeding my brain unhealthy thoughts that weigh me down into self defeat before I even get started. There is no time or room for this self doubt because as a photographer I have to be confident and in control of the shoot.  

It appears easy to live that life that your parents and others expect for you, especially when they helped pave the road towards what they believe was best.  It is all to easy to blend into the crowd, and hide behind what is familiar.  It is seamless and acceptable to let the daily grind get in the way, and help you make excuses for why NOW is not the right time.  I ask myself if now is not the right time, then which tomorrow that follows will actually be the right one to take the brave steps towards what I feel compelled to do?  Am I going to continue let society and important people write my script for me and just do what is comfortable?

In August I left a great paying job and traded down in order to make my hobby a career.  It is so easy to beat myself up when I don't make the sale.   My preconceived notions that I have inside my head start up,  "Your not contributing enough!"   Or when I take photos that don't meet my expectations, I cut myself down.  Or I don't charge what I am worth...because I doubt my worth!  I lack the focus and discipline that are needed to master my craft to become who I envision.

In an article that I recently read, this saying cut me to my core...
What if on the day you die, you get to meet the person you could have been?

I have to continual remind myself of how far I have come.  It has been a little over a year now since I have been photographing newborns at the local hospitals.  I remember those first few weeks when I was let lose on my own.... I was terrified.  In fact I would actually get sick when I arrived at the hospital. Each door represents a new family, a new situation, maybe even a new story to add to my collection of oddities, or a new friend.  I still get nervous someday's as I stand on the other side of the door ready to knock.  However, I don't worry about the lighting or if the baby will stop crying, or what I will say.  I have learned these things.  They have become easier to do with each new experience.

I got to do a Christmas shoot with Santa last month, and a handful of mom's gushed over their growing babies that I had take pictures of at the hospital.  They remembered me, and that experience. I love the idea that so many images that I have taken are framed on family walls, or posted on facebook, tucked away in wallets, as a reminder of that story in their life at that time.  I am honored to be a part of births, weddings, graduations and various celebrations.  Especially the ones so close to me!

Today I got a new lens!  Trying it out tonight with Macey who took her hover board to the street!

She whips around this house as if this devise was a pair of slippers... the Sunset Avenue was a bit different!

Friday, January 6, 2017

Prince Duke's Birthday Party

Late in posting, but Prince Duke had a birthday, and he got a new brother!

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

#Roadtripping #jeep/corvette people #outofthehaute

Last day of winter break we road tripped it to the Corvette museum.  I look forward to when they call us to pick up our new vette because we won the corvette lottery.  Until then, these pics will hold us over....

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Unrecognized talent

Joshua Bell, a world famous violinist that plays sold out shows, is here in the Washington DC subway playing his 3 million dollar violin to strangers. He plays for 45 minutes, no crowd gathered around him. Those that did throw him money, hardly acknowledge him. When he finished there was no applause. He is so talented, and no one noticed... So many of us deserve recognition for our unique gifts, ingenious thinking and noble actions, but we go unheard, unnoticed. Many times we let that beat us down, or fight the urge to let that gap define us (at least I do). Do what you love, because you love it. Not for fame, or recognition or even money. If you find yourself in the lime light, just enjoy it while it last.

Thursday, December 22, 2016

The girl with the camera is back

I placed my camera on a shelf in an attempt to disconnect myself from any image that might connect me with a painful time in our lives.  I've held back on this blog.  I've grieved, and I have grown. But I could not separate myself from my passion to see life through a lens.  While I haven't taken as much time to capture the life of those most important to me, I changed and started taking photos for others. In return I find gratitude for the privileges that I have been given to capture life altering moments for others.

The places I can go, and the person I can become with my camera in hand has transformed me.  It has the power to crumble fear and uncertainties within myself.   It has a voice that can ask strangers if I can take their pictures, and make them feel beautiful at the same time.  The "I do's" I capture, the beauty of nature, new babies, the art of building instance rapport with someone I have never encountered before.  These are priceless gifts.

My camera has the power to ground me, and inspire me when everything else falls apart.  When I am sad, stressed, anxious, worried, or frustrated I know that I can pick up my camera and experience the same euphoria as a few glasses of wine, or a prescribed pill.  When you are focused on looking for beauty it centers your soul.  When you see the big picture your perspective can alter your attitude for the better. When I feel alone, I can look through my lens and find something or someone to connect with.  

My husband says "you haven't really changed!." and I think to myself "oh, I have." However, in all my growing, aging and breaking I can look back and remember when I was just Macey's age.  I would spend my afternoons in solitude with only my bike and my 110 film camera.  Those memories are a comfort to me now, because maybe I really haven't lost myself after all.

As a new year rolls in I am eager to announce that I am ready to tell our story in pictures again and breath life back into this blog.  This girl, and her camera are back, and ready to take thing to a new level.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

the Birth of Something Wonderful!

I have this friend that I love so much, and tonight she became a grandma!  She is not on facebook so I am hoping that someday she will stumble upon this... and even if she doesn't, I am so ecstatic for her that I don't know what else to do but type... because I do not have my camera there to shoot the actual birth.

I love that I happened to random text her, and she responded while her daughter was actually pushing. I think that is a special bond that us women sometimes have with each other...sometimes we just know or sense that something important is happening to the women we are connected with and love!

So here is to Mister Brooks and the amazing family that he was born into this evening!  I know he is going to be spoiled and loved on soooo much... and I cannot wait to use my status of newborn photographer at the hospital to sneak my way in and see him myself this weekend!!

And I love it ... just love it... when something amazing and happy occurs!  

To my friend, who loved her parents so much for the grandparents they were to their children, now is their honorary time to fill the same shoes... and I know they will with ease!

Today is a great day for a birthday!