Sara Bareilles - Come Round Soon (at Radio City Music Hall 10/9/13)

I could use another cigarette
But don't worry daddy, I'm not addicted yet
One too many drinks tonight and I miss you
Like you were mine
All your stormy words have barley broken
You've sound like thunder though you barley spoken
Oh, it look rain tonight and thank God
Cause a clear sky just wouldn't feel right
He's taken and leaving
But I keep believing
I'm staying believing
HE's GOING TO COME AROUND SOON
You may be my final match
Cause I chase everything when you play throw and I play catch
Never took much to keep me satisfied
But the bullshit you feed me, you miss me you need me
this HUNGRY heart will not subside
He's taking and leaving
BUT I KEEP BELIEVING
I'm STAYING believing
He's going to come around soon
May seem naive if I cry as you leave
Like I am just one more tortured heart
These cracks that I show as I am watching you go
aren't tearing me apart
I may seem naive if I cry as you leave
Like I am just one more tortured heart
These cracks that I show as I am watching you go
Aren't tearing me apart
The angles said I'd smile today
Well who needs angles anyway
Not me, not me, NOT ME

Blessing #27

These special kids....

Letting Go

It has been a year ago today that we said goodbye to our Grumps. Still as sad as it was 365 days ago. Missed! Loved! Cherished!
We all did our own little things to honor our missing loved one. Us girls, released a balloon and watched them float upward and away.
Hoping that he knew we were thinking of him. Hoping that he has seen our new Lizzy. Hoping he knew how much he is loved and missed!

Each of us girls had a story about how upset we were about accidentally losing a balloon as a child.
At our small ages, it seemed as if it were the biggest deal...the end of the world.
How ironic, older and grown, it took us four times to say ...at a count of three we would let go together.

Somethings are impossible to let go of, people and the memory of them, is just one of those such impossible things.

My Thousand Word Picture

While I had never visited Maine in October, the beach was littered with orange leaves washed in from the tides.  It nearly camouflaged this beauty.  

They say a picture is worth one thousand words, this is my "one-thousand-word picture."  It represents the journey of my heart, the trajectory of my life and is now tattooed on my arm today. 

On a whirlwind trip I took our daughter out of school and we road tripped it to Maine to visit and say good-bye to my Grumps (grandfather).  

We had a good visit considering the circumstances.  After a few days it was time to head home. Up until this visit my family had an unspoken rule to only say "see you later," or "until next time." This time we shared our love for each other and said our final Good-byes.  

Words diminish the enormity of backing out of their driveway.  It was dusk, the warm lights from inside their living room added a glow, and you could still faintly make out the beautiful colors of the leaves that framed the image of the two of them inside their home. 

It's a memory to treasure!

I drove with Macey to a nearby gas station and pulled over to cry and reset.  But how do you reset?  The earth was still spinning, tomorrow was going to show up again the next day, life would carry on even with my heels dragging.  

We went inside, I bought wine for the evening and lots of whoopie pies to take back home the next day.

When I see this image of my starfish today, I am reminded that I am living many answered prayers from this season in my life. And that our Nana and Grumps, or Barbara and Russ are just as alive as they always were, because we love them more and more every day!  

**********

Ribber Time

I did get the privilege to snag a little river "ribber" time with Macey last weekend. Paul brought me here to Derby Indiana the fall of 2003. We hit a deer, got so drunk, I feel in love with his family...and so many other amazing memories. I was smitten with this little hidden gem tucked away from most of the world. Mostly I was smitten with Paul, and his family.

This was Macey's decade year...she wanted me to come. It was bitter sweet.

But I have to have faith in the seeds of love that I have planted, cared for, water and sown. Some ties will never be broken...and maybe my love, and my little ribber girl will bind me to this special spot for all my days to come regardless of the outcome of this storm.

Thank you Payne family for such beautiful memories... I will treasure all these things. I've never taken a moment for granted... maybe there will be more to come, I sure hope so, because I love you all, this place, the tradition.

Here are a few favorite old post.... Papsy and his girl!

October 2010


Cousin time.

Albino deer...Papsy loved this!

Derby 2011

2006 on the river

Blue Heron Winery 2010

Maybe my favorite photo of the crooked cabin

Tracing Abe's steps while at the river.

Zip lining 2013

Macey's Tenth year!

Finally Gavin got to meet his new cousin!

You've Got Pics

Everyday I can count on at least one pics from my sister of my beautiful niece Lizzy, usually with a funny storie...and at all crazy times in the middle of the night. Here are a few...