Sunday, December 14, 2014


When depression comes to someone you love it has the ability to take you down as well.  "Depression is such a cruel punishment.  There are no fevers, no rashes, no blood test to send people scurrying in concern, just the slow erosion of self, as insidious as cancer.  And like cancer, it is essentially a solitary experience; a room in hell with only your name on the door."  - Martha Manning

While I don't necessary agree...when someone you love has a problem, depression or any addiction or affliction,  it domino effects to everyone who finds this person truly a cornerstone to their lives.  To think that one alone is irrelevant, is in the mind of someone who is truly depressed, not the ones that love them.    For in my experience they may want to be alone, however they are surrounded by ones who love them....even if it is only the dog...

I went outside with my camera looking for beauty somewhere on this gray Indiana day.  Funny how the only green thing left is our rose bush, thorns and all.  

Happiness is sometimes the decision you have to make for yourself and then just fight for it.  Aren't all the wonderful things that you hold so dear to your heart the things you have to fight for...even if you feel alone? The things you do as a  parents, for your own honor, for your marriage...

I guess the silver lining is that when you do fight the sorrows... you at least know how good you do have it when the days are dark and offer little hope for happiness.  For if you always had happiness would you recognize the true value of it when it was always there?

Last week we all actually sat down and ate dinner together as a family a great dinner!!!  Paul P. was spot on.  It was all I could ask for.  I will never again take the mundane routines of the everyday for granted. NEVER!  I would take these bleak Indiana winter days, no ocean in sight, cold weather, small home, just enough to pay the bills, food in the fridge, hugs from my kids, and simple happiness from my best friend.
This picture seems so fitting...the reflection from the outside in...  all the mess from the inside and out trying to muddy who I am.  Busy with all the things the kids need, what must be done, Christmas stuff, kitchen renovation, job demands, etc.  Remnants from the past strung along the landscape leaving a very unclear picture of reality.

Every flower has to grow through dirt, diamonds were once coal, sand turns into pearls, caterpillars grow up to be butterflies, and rainbows are found in the storm.  Trusting in my faith of my maker, he hasn't let me down yet.   I will choose happiness, my family, my marriage, and cannot wait to see the view from the mountain I am climbing right now because I know he will withhold no good thing.

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