I have found out that there is only one singel thing that rattles me as an individual, it's very simple, and that is the lack of self control.
Gavin's dad called me on Saturday night, in transit from his house to the hospital to tell me that Gavin had broken his arm. Panic set in when I heard Gavin's cries in the back ground. It settled in somewhere between my heart and my stomach and set root on the nearly two hour drive from my house in Terre Haute to Gavin in Noblesville.
I find it the most unnatural thing in the world to have a kid that is sick or hurt. From the moment we bring them into the world we are acting on their behalf to keep them safe, happy and healty.
This marked Gavin's 4th emergency room run, and really his most siginfigant. In the past it was always me in charge of getting my sick or injured kid better. This time I was in the driver's seat, literaly. As stressful as that in your face, emergency, act now parental role is...the not being there, not acting part is much worse.
Gavin handled the entire thing much better than I did. I had made myself sick with worry on the drive there..thinking surgery, arm attachment, etc... Even after I got there I could not calm myself down and was of no use to my son. For this I am sad.
After they had set Gavin's arm, my mom said "I would go home now, but I think I need to be there for you." She was, and acted on my behalf before I could get there. For this I am grateful.
Gavin is feeling much better. Surgery is still on the table, it is all a matter of time and if the bones will heal properly. Fingers crossed this is the worse it will be.
I am so happy to have him home with us. I think I will sleep the best I have slept in nealy five night.
Gavin you were brave and I am so proud of you!