Friday, August 12, 2011

Anxiety mom vents on going to school..mostly middle school

(last year's first day of school picture. To read about it click here!)

So the summer has passed in what seems a blur. I cannot believe that in less than a week my kids will be moving forward and growing up even more! For this I am a little sad, but at the same time getting use to this process.

John Mayer sings a song "stop this train"...I find it very fitting. If I could stop this train, if I could get off, and if I could just stop time I would, but I cannot, so forward we travel.

I took Gavin on Tuesday to get his schedule, tour the school, pay, practice opening a locker, etc. I am soooooo stressed out because even I could not find all his class rooms. My ex, Gavin's dad, told me that I was approaching this as an adult and trying to be prepared. Nope...I was like this in middle school. I was obsessed with getting my locker open, and knowing where I needed to be. Gavin was more concerned about socializing than knowing how to read his schedule.

It is hard as a parent to clear your mind, accept, and just let be what is to be. He will be fine. He will figure it out. And I have to accept this! Breath in ...breath out!

Some of my best friends in life I found in middle school. So did his dad for that fact. I wish this for Gavin as well. Which may be why I find myself chewing at my finger nails the last few days. The friends he makes now...may be with him for the journey. Even if I do not talk to these special friends now...they were at so many key points in my life and will always be very dear to me.

I worry about more than friends. I do worry that he will get into the wrong crowd, worry that he will have a bad attitude. Worry that he won't do well in class. I worry that he will have detention after school everyday. I worry that he will not feel accepted. Worry that he won't fit in. Worry, worry, worry! The dreaded fate of every mom.

Every years seems so significant. As a mom you find yourself in the moment and think you cannot imagine it being any bigger than this...and the next year comes and it is even more intense.

In the words of John Mayer "stop this train, I wanna get off..."

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